3 ways to navigate the bias you encounter as a female communicator
America is still sexist. Here’s what you can do about it.
Aquila Mendez-Valdez is the founder of Haute in Texas, a full-service PR and Marketing agency celebrating their 10th anniversary this year. A SABJ 40 under 40 honoree, she’s been asked to speak to audiences in Europe, Asia, and the US and has been featured in Forbes, Digiday and more.
My mother is a formidable woman: six foot three inches, a major factor in our family’s business success, and a former All-American athlete. She is used to standing out and breaking down barriers. But even she has told me it’s hard to believe that I still experience discrimination as a working woman in 2024.
Her reaction is one we’ll likely see more of in the lead-up to the November elections. With a female candidate on the Democratic ticket once more, America will be confronted with two uncomfortable questions: Are we still as sexist as many women claim? And if so, what do we do about it?
A former client used to follow up nearly every suggestion I made in meetings with, “Ok, what does everyone else think?” Nevermind that none of them were comms or marketing experts; the men in the room needed to agree unanimously for this client to take my advice to heart. He never asked that question for a man’s opinion, even if they were far less qualified to voice it.
Another client asked me to step in for a brand photoshoot once and we were just about to wrap up a section where I was modeling their bath robes of all things when the photographer jeered, “Ok, now how about one without the robe?” I was so stunned I couldn’t even speak. Not a single person at the shoot spoke up either, just awkwardly chuckled while I silently wondered if this guy had ever heard of the Me Too movement.
And it’s not just men; I once had a female colleague who was in-house with a client tell me my agency would never be fired because the male owners preferred women with my body type. “Must be nice to have that kind of job security,” she smirked, while I sat in shock.
I could sit and wallow in these stories all day, but the women who came before me and the women who will come after me do not benefit from my complaining. Neither will a female presidential candidate who bemoans the sexist nature of our country without a plan to overcome it.
So whether you’re running to be Madam President or seeking to be respected in a boardroom full of male colleagues, here are three main tools to not only survive as a woman in a leadership position, but thrive.
1. Don’t take it personally.
Does it feel like a punch in the gut every time you realize the treatment you’re experiencing may be a result of your gender? Absolutely. But that says far more about the person in front of you than it does about you. As they say, “You are not responsible for the version of you that exists in other people’s minds.”
Whether that person across the table or, ahem, debate stage, sees you as weak, inexperienced or “nasty” is none of your business. Make peace with it, and stay focused on the things you can control. Everything else will sort itself out.
I once had a prospect tell me, “Hey, just so you know there are no men on your website. You might want to change that so it doesn’t deter potential clients like me.”
While I was struck by the transparency of his feedback, I didn’t take it as an assault on me or the brand we’re projecting. I took it as a compliment that we are so clearly leading with the fact that we are women-led and women-owned!
2. Know your worth.
If I get the sense that someone is questioning the quality of my work simply because I’m a woman, I typically don’t mind because I believe in my ten-plus years of experience and intuition. It’s not necessarily about being “right”, but I usually feel strongly that the marketing strategy I am recommending will hold up. It’s not my concern if clients are unwilling to consider that feedback, and if they won’t they clearly are not a good fit for our agency in the first place. It’s truly a blessing in disguise that they sometimes reveal this so early on.
Study your craft, never stop innovating, and it’s easier to feel a sense of confidence when others (men and women included) challenge your opinions. We don’t always have to be right, but we do have to be able to explain our reasoning or justify our strategic approach. If you’re able to do that, you can take any negative attitudes with a grain of salt.
3. Create the work environment you crave.
As the saying goes, be the change you wish to see in the world.
The communications and marketing worlds are dominated by women, but we step into the C-Suite often to converse with our clients, colleagues, and prospects. Regardless of gender, I believe carrying oneself with a combination of compassion and grit will carry you far. As women in my generation ascend to positions of leadership, we have an opportunity to be the first who were told by their well-meaning mothers that they could do anything, but are now tasked with cultivating workplace cultures that actually reflect that.
At Haute in Texas, this looks like a remote team, flexible work hours, and an internship program that provides a clear pathway to potential employment should interns excel. While we have not always been an all-female team, this model supports and attracts insanely talented women who aren’t interested in the traditional 9-5. That’s been an advantage for us as we’ve scaled, and it’s also brought wonderfully brilliant female founders to our client roster who both inspire and motivate us every day.
May we find a way to be both brave and tender. Bold and inclusive. Ambitious and well-rounded. In essence, may we be everything a woman has the talent to be, without fear of repercussions. That is the world I believe my mother wants for me, and I know I want for my daughters.
It was an honor to share these thoughts with Ragan, thank you for allowing women to have a platform like this!